Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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