tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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