kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Text me some of your sweat
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
