so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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