I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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