At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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