The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
