if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
