I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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