I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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