The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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