You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
