"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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