Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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