Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
