I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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