Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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