Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was confusing and full of hummus
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
