4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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