Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
