I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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