i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
