I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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