It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
