I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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