Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
