I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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