No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
