i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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