I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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