I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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