Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
