he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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