Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
