Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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