I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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