Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
