I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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