I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
