i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
