According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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