I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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