I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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