if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
