She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
