im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
