i will never coherently bang her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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