He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
