When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
