I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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